Leadership Development Power Tool Breakout Sessions
No Excuses is now a workshop too!
I had the pleasure of keynoting the Leadership and Business Development Workshop sponsored by Valley Leadership and the ASU Alumni Association in Scottsdale, February 9, 2011.
After the keynote, I moderated a panel of local leaders, Luz Sarmina, Carol Poore, and Jessica Pacheco for the enthusiastic, sold-out audience that packed the room. Then participants broke into smaller groups where they talked the nitty gritty–specific and practical ways to apply the 9 Ways power tools in their own work and lives–and received peer coaching. It made my heart sing that two women announced their intent to run for office, while many others talked about how the power tools would help them expand their businesses or careers within their organizations, write books, or start nonprofits.
This post’s comments below are facilitator notes from a breakout session.
I was very excited to apply No Excuses ideas in a workshop format and thank the conference committee, Rebecca Kennell, Jan Miller, and Tammy Bosse, for organizing an amazing, inspiring event.
INTENTIONING
Sex, Power, Pandemics, and How Women
Will Take The Lead for (Everyone’s) Good
The new book from Gloria Feldt about the future, taking the leadership lessons learned from this disruption and creating a better world for all through the power of intention.
If you’d like to create a No Excuses workshop for your professional or community group, contact me here. I am fired up to share the 9 Ways power tools with you!
PS. Here’s what people said about the workshop: “It was truly inspiring to see that all the answers were really in the room. By you opening the dialogue and spurring the conversation important topics came forward and great resources were given to them. I heard from both facilitators and participants that during the breakout session they were able to see their challenges more clearly and a road forward.”
GLORIA FELDT is the New York Times bestselling author of several books including No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power, a sought-after speaker and frequent contributor to major news outlets, and the Co-Founder and President of Take The Lead. People has called her “the voice of experience,” and among the many honors she has been given, Vanity Fair called her one of America’s “Top 200 Women Legends, Leaders, and Trailblazers,” and Glamour chose her as a “Woman of the Year.”
As co-founder and president of Take The Lead, a leading women’s leadership nonprofit, her mission is to achieve gender parity by 2025 through innovative training programs, workshops, a groundbreaking 50 Women Can Change The World immersive, online courses, a free weekly newsletter, and events including a monthly Virtual Happy Hour program and a Take The Lead Day symposium that reached over 400,000 women globally in 2017.
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Introduction by Rhonda, giving everyone the opportunity to share freely and really push themselves to realize their power and their motivations and reflect on everyones thoughts.
Open question to group: thoughts or feedback from the presentation earlier. Woman A: Thought it was interesting that we often look for permission or acceptanance when making decisons, and we don’t have to because we can be empowered.
Woman B: we don’t have to ask for help, when often times we do. Regardless of how old we are or how we grew up, its all about experiences and taking the time for ourselves, we need to serve ourselves first before we can serve others and help others.
Woman C: when the “mean girl” discussion was brought up, it made an impact on her to really focus on what we say that can be caty, and what we’re really holding back on that we’re masking the issue. Be honest and create relationships with these people so you can be honest and not be petty. Keep a journal that you can write this information down.
Woman D: challenge yourself, surround yourself with people that insprire you and push you to become a better person, and a leader.
Woman E: Disagreed with the subject of reaching out to other woman for help or to be mentors. Because of her age, she feels like she is discriminated against because she isn’t portrayed as intellegent or worthy or help. she feels as though that intimidation is stopping her from moving forward with other female relationships or asking for help from other women.
Breakout group seperated into smaller groups of 2 to discuss questions asked in handout about their personal feelings and how this session and presentation can help them in their life. When speaking to other people or adressing other, what are the trigger words that are empowering you? what are the weaknesses?
Woman A: Thinks we all need to come up with an elevator speech. Practicing that and being confident in presenting it to anyone. Writing everything down and figuring out what speaks to you.
Woman B: She gets so caught up in her own business and what she is really focusing on to worry or spend time thinking about others or taking the time for others. She needs to focus on what others think and truly appreciate it, respect others just like she would want to be respected. Carpe the craziness!
Woman C: “sell yourself to you first!”
Woman D: Areas of where there is weakness is embracing controversy. The issues that she faces, she doesn’t take action or do anything about it when she needs to adress these challenges head on. A lot of times she thinks she may be taking action, but really, she was just thinking about it, and not really embracing it. she wants to take it in stride and step by step: take action.
Woman E: Telling her story is her biggest weakness. For some reason, she doesn’t think her life or her story is interesting enough to tell. She grew up as a middle child so it was always about her family. she has been really doing some soul searching and its okay to tell her story, to put herself first, to consentrate on her needs and she will be more confident in selling herself to not only herself but to others.
Woman F: Finds that woman E’s struggle is her strength. She thinks that its important to tell your story about your life, not about your job. So often we focus on what we’ve done professionally, not about the rest of our lifes.
Woman E: agrees, but to her, who is just coming into the work force, she needs to have those connections and those commonality professionally, how can she be more than her job and present her “story” in a professional setting, without having the professional history?
Woman G: Just because we have been out of the work force, doesn’t mean that we don’t have the capability of having amazing skill sets, its finding those empowering factors and using them ourselves.
Woman H: Her weaknesses are in decisions and finding the strength to make a decision and go with it. saying no to things she doesn’t agree with and not feeling weak because she’s scared of the outcome or response. Admitting to herself the truth about her personal thoughts. she feels strong about other decisions, but when it comes to things she is afraid of, she shys away.
Woman I: Take a “leap” into something that you beleive in. something that you don’t like maybe able to help you and take advantage of because you are the only one who can make that leap and have that confidence.
Woman J: Telling the story is her biggest weakness. She is a good listener and very caring, but its hard for her to have the confidence to speak her mind or say what she’s afraid of. Believe in herself!
Woman A: Tell the truth with respect. Don’t hold back on what you believe in or how you feel about something, but do it in a tactfull way and keep that level of respect and maturity so you can receive that in return.
woman H: sometimes we get so caught up in emotion that we stop ourselves from doing the things that we’d like to do or ask for help. Acquire skills, and don’t be afraid of them, embrace them! Find a mentor or someone that can help you accomplish the things you’re not knowledgeable about. Empowering!
woman K: having the “sisterhood” is very important to her, so having these discussions and empowering one another is what we need to do for eachother. Because she is from another culture and speaks a different language, these types of forums are intimidating. This has been wonderful because she is going to create a personal movement to help other women even though it is late in her lift, but its not going to stop her from accomplishing her dreams.
woman L: Take away: we need to start these teachings young. THe earlier we learn this in life, the more people will feel empowered and feel like they can accomplish anything. It would be a great idea to have networking events for families, or mother/ daughter, etc.
Claim your power!
Comments in break-out session: Influence people to think about public service and running for office. We need good women to represent us. If you can’t run yourself, support other good women.
Women wait to be asked multiple times before seeking roles of power/authority. Women need to learn to not take defeat personal. It’s just business.
Key is believing in yourself and being authentic.
Why do we wait before we pursue opportunities?
Leadership task force to prepare people for leadership at work: How do we teach women to think for themselves?
How do we achieve comfort with power? What is the difference between quiet confidence and shameless self-promotion? Graciousness and challenging men to think about how they would approach the same situation.
Use whatever tools you have, even if it something like your age (older) …
The person who talks the most often has the least to say. Some men may dominate conversations because they want to position themselves into a position of power/authority.
Put a visual reminder (ie hammer) on your desk to remind yourself that you have power, but use it to build not destroy!
Can be challenging to change management style but persist with your own vision.
Women have tuition and gentleness which can be useful. Mentor other women and be mentored yourself.
Women tend to check themselves and ask if they can do the job, question how it should be done, while men tend to jump in. Women want to fix everything, including other people, and make everybody happy. We can drive ourselves crazy trying to fix everything and everybody.
Encourage young girls to play sports and develop team skills.
Have to just get over it when people don’t like you.
What are the things that we just don’t do sometimes to complete a goal? And why do women let very small things stand in the way? Suggestion is to analyze WHY you are doing this and changing the behavior. Write down what you are afraid of and list the pro’s.
We don’t need permission to be successful.
Women have same ambition as men but suffer from a lack of intention. Boys are taught that they can achieve anything and develop long-term plans very early on, whereas girls are taught that they CAN do anything, but not that they should have a long-range plan.
Women’s goals and aspirations tend to be for other people; but not for our personal goals and self. We tend to not be good at pitching ourselves.
Write a positive response to Carolyn Allen’s first op-ed on Friday.
What you think of me is none of my business (a favorite quote).
Sometimes we don’t recognize that a comfortable environment may not be the BEST environment.
At the point of hesitation, that is a good time to reconnect with other women.
Take a little bit of time each day to be quiet and think.
You need to define where you want to go, study and know your stuff to earn respect. Will command respect if you are capable and willing to go forward.
We have responsibility to mentor the younger women. None of us became successful by ourselves.
Women tend to work alone and we would have so much more power if we came together in a larger group. Have the existing women’s groups work together.
5 year goals: what drives women: write book on financial freedom, have fun, financial freedom, start businesses, pick a few ways to innovate, find knowledge and power, influence others in a positive way without even trying, make great changes for Arizona, win an election, pursue opportunities during empty nest, be in a leadership position, personal relationship, champion of community service, encourage women to take leaps of faith, have my own business, identify my interests and prepare groundwork to takeoff when kids are grown, past 5 yrs have been business and parenting-need to work “me” into picture, second career, involved in community.
From the breakout session at Skysong on Feb. 9, 2011
Who received great coaching on your issue?
Take time for me… not expecting time to be given but to actually “take” the time to refocus. Giving time to your self is a form of taking time.
One participant struggles with becoming the powerful woman that she sees in others. Her coach suggested to review her goal at the end of the day and to think about what to do tomorrow. It was suggested she make a mental or physical list for reflection for self improvement.
Realize that work never stops. One participant van pools to set boundaries around work time. The van pool departs at a set time and so she must leave work.
One participant has an issue with others disregarding her boundaries in the sense of double booking her calendar. It is important to acknowledge and respect the boundaries of others.
Know that you have the right to say “no” and give other options. “I can’t do that at this time but can we do it at a different time.”
Find out what meetings are about if you’re being overbooked in meetings. Set your own boundaries.
Place ‘drive’ time on your calendar if you’re traveling to a meeting.
Block time once a week to do office work so that others can’t block your calendar. It gives you time to get work done and think.
One participant has a fear of media and technology. Her coach suggested to take one thing on one form at a time and stop asking others to do it for her so that she can learn.
What is a power tool that speaks to your strength?
Embrace controversy – she’s comfortable to voice her own opinion or being wrong so that she openly voices her opinion. She’s learned to speak out and knows she can be argumentative. She’s earned respect because she’s seen as being inquisitive and not adversarial. Her work environment is argumentative so she learned to be outspoken even though that’s not her natural tendency.
Another person doesn’t have an issue being wrong. She sees her speaking out as a way to gather information. She’s alright with being wrong and can admit it when she is wrong. She realizes that most decisions aren’t life threatening. She sees that the decision process has different ramifications but most are changeable and not earth shattering or destructive.
Telling her story is strength and she’s comfortable in sharing and seeing it as a strength. Stories help humanize people so that they are seen as more than just an applicant.
She realized she had a speaking weakness so and that was holding her back from becoming a more effective within her career. She wanted to make a difference in her job and not just do a job. S?he is also cognizant of non verbal language, realizes the importance of making a good first impression, and works in a male dominated profession. She has become more comfortable in her role.
What trigger word can you use to help you improve your skills?
“Adventure” so that she becomes better at telling her story. In other words, look at her process as an adventure.
“Toot” – tooting her own horn and tooting the horn of those that work for her. Putting time on her calendar to remember to acknowledge the things that she wants to improve and tell people they did a good job in an authentic manner.
“Ownership” – knowing her own value and claiming it. Knowing her own value changes her perspective of herself and she knows that how she sees herself will affect how others see her.
“Debate” – Looking at confrontation as presenting yourself to others and not a negative thing to be feared.
“Twitter” – taking on the media phobia
Big things that are taken away from the discussion
Taking care of ourselves (time for self, exercise, eat right, family, etc) and putting appropriate boundaries around ourselves – live a balanced life and set professional boundaries at work.
Do it and stop talking about it. Take little steps to overcome fear.
Tooting your own horn, knowing your own value and respecting yourself.
A performance review indicated that she needed to speak up more. Seeing that on paper was revealing and led her to take on more leadership roles and start to embrace controversy. She is building her confidence.
I need most to work on embracing controversy because I want people to like me and I want everyone to feel comfortable. If you don’t get through that, you are not giving yourself opportunity to grow. I will start embracing controversy in less stressful environments, like practicing responses in the car while listening to controversial radio programs.
I have a huge thirst for knowledge so I ask a lot of questions. This brings conflict to me. I need to work on pausing and reflecting before asking. I may actually know the answer already if I take the time to listen to myself.
I want to learn other people’s stories. I don’t find my own story important. I think I need to find out why that is. Why don’t I think my story is important or potentially useful to someone else?
Maybe we need to think about what a story really is. It may not be a chronological story but what is important to you.
My trigger word is “create.” I want to speak up.
I have difficulty being assertive instead of aggressive. I am thinking about being more flexible and taking a breath to think about the words I am using.
I have amazing dialogue in my head that didn’t really happen. Sometimes it works but it also cuts off my world. I am focusing on what I have. I did this in negotiating a car deal recently and it felt so good. I felt so powerful and it was almost scary. When I had the courage to ask for what I needed, I just got it. It was so easy to get the deal that I wanted, calmly.
Those who ask for more typically get more. Ask – you never know!
Sometimes is easier to fight for yourself than someone else.
I seem to vacillate between being passive and aggressive. I am going to keep using the words “power to.”
My self-reliance and direction keeps me from reaching out to others. I worry that others’ time commitments make my request too difficult for them. My trigger words will be, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
I always have the fear that even though I am doing things right, I might not being enough. I think it’s important to say to yourself, “Hey, I’m doing ok.”
It is fun to hear somebody else’s experience. It reminded me of my own experience and the fun I had at her age.
I was struck by the question, “Have I become oblivious to the women’s issues that are still out there and that I used to work on?” There is still work to be done. The battle has become more subtle. It is more little things. This isn’t something that you can carry the signs for and I’m not sure that we know how to fight it.
The legal battle has been won, but now it’s an emotional battle. It’s how you think and feel about women’s rights and issues.
Group discussion themes and advice:
Most Challenging Power Tools – Individual/Group Advice
Embrace controversy – Listen, be strategic – is it important to me?
Set own terms – Build confidence, prepare, stand ground, celebrate successes
Life balance – Prioritize, compartmentalize, delegate, accept help
Use every medium –get yourself an advisory team, make sure what you do serves your purpose
Miscellaneous take aways: support each other – repeat ideas, give credit, ask for support
Schedule reflection/ think time
Trust yourself, give yourself permission to be wrong
Seek out mentors, coaches
The power is in the room
Be courageous – share/tell your story
Most participants spent a lot of time discussing “facing your fears”; must hit things head on and “just do it”.
One participant indicated that we feel comfortable in our job or in what we’re doing. We think we might be interested, but we’re just not sure. WE need to just “go for it” and not talk ourselves out of it. We shouldn’t worry about if we’re qualified for it.
Another participant said their group called it risk taking. Take stock of what you know you do.
One used an acronym – DIN “Do It Now”
One participant suggested she realized that she needed to “Step into your power “. She stated that she’s not normally the type of person who’d do this. She’s more introverted. But she’s aware of it, so she decided to jump there and participate.
Two individuals indicated they are thinking about running for office.
Another participant suggested it’s important to have a support group, an accountability group, but wondered how to start.
One participant suggested that she start out with a partner; just need to ask for it. Look around and see someone you emulate. It’s flattering to them.
Other participant ideas:
Maybe have coffee once a month or go for a walk. Be specific and explain what’s expected.
Best mentors are probably already in your life because we’re automatically drawn to them.
We can also get a lot out of the experience by being a mentor.
Others suggested that one may need different mentors in different areas.
On the mat – trigger word – when you’re down on the mat get back on your feet.
Multi-tasking studies that indicate it’s not good to do were done by men.
There are also women who don’t care for small talk; it’s a matter of personality type.
Chaos – control over projects
Build support plan from there – servant leader idea
Trigger word – struggle with seeing things through other eyes – what are the outcomes you are trying to get there – buzz word reframe.
Acknowledging your own gifts
Accused of being a change agent
Love seeing possibilities – take the lead
everybody has a spark of enthusiasm
action steps for tooting your own horn- self affirmation, establish your identity, separate from others/spouse
write down what you have accomplished
Most women step back, humble. Go for your dream, try to be a leader
surround yourself with friends, supporters
work with people who are supportive
every Monday have a goal list what will I accomplish this week?
be more present with people
set professional goals for next 2 years
what is your critical few goals that need to be accomplished – key critical few
read Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits book.
Yourself first, set goals, benchmarks
be realistic – can’t have it all, all the time
focus on yourself
share goals with others so you are accountable
take away power word
strength in telling your story.
embrace controversy
power to enable others to succeed
energized to see a room full of powerful women
culture could dictate men only in leadership positions
One participant expresses that she has experience in the education industry to gain the tools to be successful and feels that her strengths are in tools 1-7. Having the opportunity to develop models within her job, she feels that she lacks in power tool #8 the modern communication elements, i.e. blogging, Linkedin, etc.
A participant responds with networking is one of her strengths, she uses some of the modern communication tools, however she doesn’t utilize them to their full capacity. Specifically she doesn’t like the anonymity of some of the communication avenues. She feels that she could “brag” more. Struggles with telling her own story. She is from the east coast where people aren’t afraid to brag, however its not accepted as much here out west or in the Midwest.
Moderator – many are afraid of telling their story because they’re afraid of being judged and labeled.
A participant wants to improve at creating a movement through relationships. She struggles to step outside the box to speak with higher up executives. Doesn’t feel that it’s it within her role, so she believes she needs to be brave and just address the executives.
Participant struggles with getting through to others, but doesn’t give up and approaches others with back-up information. This creates credibility and feels that with persistence, she can make progress.
One participant selected the word “courageous.” This word will help her step outside her comfort zone and get away of being afraid of judgment.
Moderator – Celebrate the small things. The more you celebrate the small steps, the bigger steps will be easier. i.e. Celebrate making it to the gym in the morning.
Participant appreciated the action steps are going to lead her to actually making change. Her first step will be to structure her day so that she’s able to accomplish what she intends to. She feels that she knows she has the skills, but using them at the next level. The action steps will help her to schedule the time to change.
Moderator – We do have the resources. We know we know we have the resources, but it’s stepping out to utilize those resources.
Participant is in a entry level position with no advancement in the last few years. She’s at a crossroads in determining where to go from here, however doesn’t feel like she has the support. She is fearful of her situation, isn’t able to connect with many of the power tools, and notices this deficiency. Particularly she can’t toot her own horn.
Moderator – Suggests that this participant is at a position that any change will be positive! Creating a support system and build off of what is existing.
Another participant suggested taking a skill inventory so she can begin to toot her own horn and transition them to other jobs and industries.
Participant recognizes that she knows she’s going to have to change and challenge herself to step out of her comfort zone.
Another participants suggested building a small group of friends as a support system that can identify her strengths and push her to utilize her strengths.
Participant sees the need to pick what she wants and do it. Not worrying about putting her ducks in a row. Jump in with both feet.
Another participant suggested that she say “yes, I can do that!” When asked, she can’t be bashful to say yes!
Moderator – What can you take away from today?
Balance in life. Expected to go, go, go, but a little time out, a mental break, will help you be a healthier person. Balance between personal and work.
Employing every medium. She’s been isolated since she’s been unemployed. Using the resources she has.
No more fear!
Use your power to choose your destiny!
See through somebody else’s eyes!
Develop a plan. To start you need action steps.
Today’s presentation was a Refresher and an opportunity to see things in a different way. Having the one-on-one conversation is always good.
One step at a time. Don’t’ need to attempt or accomplish everything at once.
Confirmation that you’re on the right track. Patience is good.
“Fake it until you make it.” Confidence!
We sometimes forget how great we really are. We’re too humble. Share your goals, aspirations and successes. Give yourself the credit! Don’t underestimate your own story and how your experiences can help an other. An interesting read, “Brag!: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn without Blowing It” by Peggy Klaus.
Personal trigger words: just do it, i can do it, my story is my power, inspire, create, chaos creates opportunity, it is time, growth, authenticity, i speak my truth, i have the power to create and reinvent myself, faith, embrace my power, stop making excuses and do it, can’t, go get it, be creagous and reinvent, i am an instrument of positive change, no can make you feel inferior without your consent ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Take-aways: have the courage, i can do it all – but not at once, i have another 30+ years in the workforce, women tend to feel alone, what you have is there – if you have the support – you can do it, be authentic, know your value, appreciate your community of women, empower yourself and other women, use the resources you have available, embrace and tell your story, take of yourself first, pay yourself before others, pick one woman to influence and inspire her, you can reinvent yourself, job goals, etc… every day – it’s never too late, power is limitless, excited for change
Some enjoy motivating others at home and work, but find it difficult to motivate my their own self. Try re-inventing your self, accept change and embrace it. Find a mentor that can help you define and articulate your most desired aspiration. Tap into influencers/leadership and define your goals so that they know you’ve changed. Also try thinking of yourself as a product and how to market your unique experiences and qualities.