Was There a Moment When You Knew You Had the Power To?
Most high school debaters can tell you that the first person to set the terms of the debate usually wins. That’s because when we allow someone else to define the terms, we allow them to set the framework that constructs our thoughts. Just think about how power has typically been defined, as an oppressive power-over model. If we shift the definition of power to a power-to model, suddenly the discussion is about leadership, and the ability to get things done. As I say in No Excuses.
Almost anyone can employ power-over, but it takes skill to employ power-to. It takes a skill to lead others rather than to force, requires, coerce, or lord over them. Leadership power is much different from the use of force to gain acceptance of a goal.
Watch feminst icon Gloria Steinem, CODEPINK founder Jodie Evans, young feminist leader Shelby Knox, El Diario/La Prensa editor-in-chief Erica Gonzalez, and others talking about their power-to moments, both personal and interpersonal.
Was there a moment when you knew that you had the power to . . .(you fill in the blank)? What was it? And how did you feel? What did you do? If you didn’t have one moment, was there a process that led you to that awareness? What can you share with other women that might help them on their journey?
INTENTIONING
Sex, Power, Pandemics, and How Women
Will Take The Lead for (Everyone’s) Good
The new book from Gloria Feldt about the future, taking the leadership lessons learned from this disruption and creating a better world for all through the power of intention.
Please use the share buttons to invite women you know to join the discussion.
GLORIA FELDT is the New York Times bestselling author of several books including No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power, a sought-after speaker and frequent contributor to major news outlets, and the Co-Founder and President of Take The Lead. People has called her “the voice of experience,” and among the many honors she has been given, Vanity Fair called her one of America’s “Top 200 Women Legends, Leaders, and Trailblazers,” and Glamour chose her as a “Woman of the Year.”
As co-founder and president of Take The Lead, a leading women’s leadership nonprofit, her mission is to achieve gender parity by 2025 through innovative training programs, workshops, a groundbreaking 50 Women Can Change The World immersive, online courses, a free weekly newsletter, and events including a monthly Virtual Happy Hour program and a Take The Lead Day symposium that reached over 400,000 women globally in 2017.
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There was a moment when I knew I could do the job better than my female boss. I acknowledged this when I realized she felt it was better to lead by discouragement instead of encouragement and example. I have since left that (dis)organization and am volunteering in the community and trying to start a blog. I don’t allow my family to live by such negative principles, and it would have been hypocritical to work in such and environment.
Nancy, I understand the decision to leave your job but am not clear why you feel withdrawing from the workplace solved your problem. Can you share some more of your thinking about that?
It’s so funny that you mention high school debaters, because debate is precisely the tool that helped me discover my voice. Gloria Steinem’s comment about discovering her power to persuade is so similar to my experience. I grew up in the Mormon culture, where women don’t have a voice, and questioning male authority is a sin. In junior high, my biggest goal in life was to blend into the wall paper. But when I joined the debate team, suddenly people were interested in what I had to say. In fact, they were taking notes during my speeches. (I mean, that’s part of the debate game, but it was still very empowering to have center stage, if only for 8 minutes at a time!)
I think that every woman needs to join the debate team and discover her voice, and find her power to question, to state an opinion, to have thoughts of her own. It’s incredibly powerful.
Did debate also teach you how to develop a logical statement of your opinion? Seems like that would give you a sense of mastery and competence in speaking your piece.
Definitely. Debate taught me how to research all sides of an issue, consolidate my information into a coherent argument, and then present the information in the best fashion possible. I couldn’t have had any better preparation for becoming a writer. And it has definitely come in handy when I have been a clinic escort or tabling for Planned Parenthood to be able to respond to anti-choice people.
I grew up with a very emotionally destructive father and after years of going to court with my mother I realized that I had the choice and the power to remove him from my life. I think it’s important to realize that. To me that is defining my own terms. I realized that I could remove myself from his power OVER me and that I have the power TO decide who I will allow in my life.
A very power-full story, Dior. I’m sure it was not easy for you. But you did it.
I love the video Gloria. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to raise my voice! You are AMAZING! My boyfriend checked out your site today when looking at the video and was REALLY impressed with your work and is a big fan. “) I love it!
You are a rock star, Jamia 🙂
For many of us, our first sense of empowerment came as young girls growing up with the women’s liberation movement of the 60s and 70s. See “Girls Wear Pants” at pearlmoonplenty.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/girls-wear-pants/ and add your own story of “yes we can” feminism!
This is great Kayann! I hope everyone will take a look. It’s cause for celebration.
What’s your personal power-to story?
[…] Monday I asked you when you first realized that you had the power to . . . And I gave you a brief glimpse at my definition of what power-to looks like. Here’s another […]
It took me a few years to recognize the moment I had taken my power. My father is a kind, loving man, but he controlled my life. I had lived by his guidelines, but was awakening to other possibilities. As I took my life path out of his hands, and put it into my own, I was literally eaten up with the conflict and developed a bleeding ulcer. To stand in my new beliefs, in the face of his displeasure, removed me from his power-over, and put me on the path of my power-to. That single act has shaped the rest of my life.
Jan, how old were you when this happened?
I heard a similar story recently from someone else. That is a difficult transition to make, but one we all need to do at some point. It’s not always as traumatic as in your case, but the separation from parental power over is necessary.