Have You Ever Been in Helpless Patient Mode?
Michelle Robson
This post by Michelle Robson, the founder of the awesome women’s health website EmpowHer.com, is the second in a series of National Women’s Health Week guest posts. Michelle founded EmpowHer after experiencing her own horror story with the health care system. The site she created is dedicated to helping women improve their health and well-being. They provide up-to-date medical information, access to leading medical experts and advocates, and a devoted community of women who ask questions, share stories, and connect with one another in a safe and supportive environment.
In this article, Michelle describes a situation that each of us has probably found ourselves in at one time or another: what she calls “helpless patient mode.” Sound familiar? Read on…share your story if you’re so moved…and be sure to check out EmpowHer.com.
I really believe that women tend to go to a certain state of mind when they’re patients and relying on a doctor’s care. It’s called “helpless patient mode.” Ironically, when we have a sick child, spouse or other loved one, we can be a doctor’s biggest nightmare. We’re brilliant and strong when advocating for a loved one. A mother will do an inordinate amount of research and will carefully question the pediatrician when her child is ill. But when she is ill, it’s another story altogether. Women tend to do what their doctors tell them to do. We don’t listen to ourselves, to our guts. We simply want that doctor to fix us, give us that magic pill, and quick, so we can go about doing all the millions of things we do to take care of other people.
I admit that I’m totally guilty of this. Big-time. In fact, my hysterectomy may not have even happened if I hadn’t succombed to the all-too-easy “helpless patient mode.” I may have chosen another option if I’d been aware of the other options and hadn’t relied so completely on what I was told was my only option.
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Before my hysterectomy, I developed horrible reflux. I always had a sick feeling in my stomach and was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I followed my doctor’s advice and took medicine for the reflux and other medication for the IBS. By taking the pills as prescribed, I took it for granted that it was just a matter of time and I would get better.
Time passed and I went on with my life, ignoring the fact that I was not getting any better. I learned to compensate for my bowel issues and kept up the façade required in my day-to-day routine; philanthropy work, traveling and attending functions. But nothing would make the reflux and IBS go away. In fact I got worse – much worse — and landed in the hospital with Diverticulitis. The pain was excruciating. I thought I was going to die. I was hospitalized for five days, with two strong antibiotics, Flagyl and Cipro, pumping into my system. On the second day, I was completely numb from the waist down. I was terrified, with no idea what was wrong with me. No one had warned me that numbness in the legs is a side effect of Flagyl.
Back then, I was obviously in the “helpless patient mode.” But then again, I was so sick that I couldn’t exactly advocate for myself. Instead I went along with my doctor’s advice to have a complete hysterectomy, which apparently would solve my endometriosis issue and all the other issues I was having. It was supposed to be the answer — that quick cure, “magic pill” that I so desperately wanted in order to get my life back. What I’ve learned since is that there is no magic pill and that you should always get a second opinion. No matter how sick you are, you need to advocate for yourself or have somebody else step in to advocate for you.
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Nat’l Women’s Health Week question–ever felt like a helpless patient?
Recently like a helpless patient’s younger sister. Taking care of my older sister these past six weeks has been an eye opening experience. It reinforces that someone should never go into the hospital without an advocate. Or, try to deal with the Department of Social Services without a pitbull by your side!
My sister didn’t have health insurance when she became ill. While living in Indiana she received Medicaid coverage. I moved her to MD to take care of her and after six weeks MD DSS has still not approved her coverage.
They require at least a 30 day waiting period before coverage could begin. I told the intake person that she cannot survive 30 hours without her medication, oxygen, and other medial needs.
Is it too much to ask that if someone is receiving benefits in one state those benefits follow the patient? THIS is why, IMO, we need single-payer health converage. Having a public option included in the current health care debate is diminished when you consider how challenging it is to simply prove eligibility. And this is coming from someone who has now brought her sister home from the hospital twice in six weeks.
What’s really irksome is being treated as a ‘helpless patient’ by medical staff and insurance companies.
Right now, I am working w/my husband who had a relatively mild stroke about 3 wks ago and let me tell you, sometimes even the patient’s personal advocate needs an advocate. Sometimes you have to explicitly ask Drs for ‘reality-based’ ‘next steps’ for continuing care at home w/these new maladies to recover from and attend to w/lifestyle changes.
Ins co finally, this week, (all this time later) agreed *they had made a mistake* re our coverage because they had not moved it thru proper channels or followed up to get real answers. In the meantime, the attitude they gave me on the phone was appalling, full of blame on us and indignation that we hadn’t done things properly so it’s our fault we’re having snafus in coverage. It was a very quick phone call when they called to apologize. (harrumph)
All this work sometimes makes advocating @ UN w/G77 + China or advocating on the Hill seem like appropriate training for working w/ins cos 😉
I had a feeling this post would touch a few nerves. Really important to share these stories. I had the same patient advocate experience when my mother was going through the stages of terminal cancer, and before that, hip replacement surgery.
My husband has a 90-year-old aunt in Australia who has had various joints replaced and heart surgery, but she never has to worry about how long she can stay in the hospital or if she is going to be sent home where she lives alone before she can take care of herself. When she is able to go to rehabilitative services, she goes there until she can manage alone, and then someone checks on her for a while to make sure. The difference in the stress level is enormous. And I’ll bet the difference in the cost is enormous too.
These three great comments came via Facebook so I’m posting them anonymously:
1.I had the most ridiculous questioning when getting new health ins. the other day. Were YOU treated for ANEMIA back in 1985????? Probably. Anemia this, anemia that. They were very intense about it. I finally shouted, “GOOD GRIEF! I’m a woman and I was pregnant! It’s common!” And then my bio-identical hormones. Is THAT because of MENOPAUSE? YES! I’m … Read More52… Read More yrs old for crying out loud! It’s preventative maintenance, you dimwit! I’m preventing YOU from having to pay for bad health in the future (not that you will anyway).
Sorry – I feel a blog coming on. Is there any medication for that?
2. geritol. my wife. i think i’ll keep her.
3. it has been so long since i was a helpless patient. i was refusing to take orders from my OB when i was delivering Jody and he wanted to do a C-section so he could be done in time to take his wife out to the dinner he’d promised her. Pfffttt!